Eliminate Girl on Girl Hate with Shine Theory

Eliminate Girl on Girl Hate with Shine Theory

Are you after a more empowering and positive atmosphere in your life? This post is definitely for you.

I would say that Shine Theory is directly correlated to sisterhood and feminism, which means I’m all for it. In a nutshell, it’s about befriending successful women instead of competing with them. Sometimes when we meet women who are happier, confident and more successful, we can take it the completely wrong way. I can’t speak for every woman of course, but I know, in the past, my first reaction has been “what’s she so confident about?” when I’ve been around confident women. Can we just take to moment and realise how absurd it is to dislike a woman just because she is happy and sure of herself? 

Don’t be so hard on yourself if you’d had these thoughts before though. We live in a patriarchal society where, more often than not, men have power and privilege in many aspects of their lives. This means there is pretty much slim pickings for women and when we meet somebody who is happy – it means there’s even less for us. So it’s only natural to feel envious, especially when society already pits us against one another. This is all the more reason us gals need to stick together!

The practice behind Shine Theory is something we should all hopefully be doing anyway, since it’s part of being a decent human being… But I love Shine Theory for reasons besides that. Not only does it reinforce the importance of women supporting one another, it reminds us that somebody else’s success does not diminish our achievements.

The benefits of surrounding yourself with genuine, confident and successful women are endless:

  • Their energy is infectious
  • They will motivate you
  • They will want you to succeed too
  • They will support you and lift you up, instead of tearing you down

For years, women have felt like they’re second-best because there is always something telling us that. Whether it’s a man or an advert, it makes no sense to have friends making you feel bad on top of that.

It’s really hard to befriend women who intimidate us, but that’s only because we put them on this pedestal. When we start believing that we’re on the same level, wonderful things happen. Not only will it be easier to befriend them, it also challenges us to be a better version of ourselves too.

A great example of this is how my good friends, Kathy and Jess, have a positive affect on me. The two of them are super positive people and often set me straight when I’m in a bad mood. They don’t isolate or ridicule me, instead, they listen and are always the first to offer a silver lining. On top of that, they are always working hard on perfecting their craft. This drive and positive attitude has made me more motivated and I’m constantly trying to nail this positive outlook on life.

There’s nothing better than being friends with women who want you to do better, because as Ann Friedman puts it, “I don’t shine if you don’t shine“.


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  1. November 30, 2015 / 11:55 pm

    Never heard of Shine Theory until reading this post and I love it! This post has motivated myself and I expect many other women to be confident in this society we live it! Automatically following your blog, love your vibes!


  2. December 1, 2015 / 10:25 am

    I agree completely. We should be happy for and support other women as much as possible instead of tearing each other down or picking each other apart. And I love this quote!

  3. December 1, 2015 / 10:28 am

    This is great, I think I’m going to blog about it myself, I’m very into this philosophy and try to live by it as much as possible. Thanks for the post!

  4. December 1, 2015 / 12:24 pm

    This post is so so amazingly inspirational! Every word of it is true. The good thing about the blogging world is that most of the time everyone is supportive, but this doesn’t just apply to the blogosphere. Women all over the world should be lifting each other up and I hope this is the start of something amazing and just to add a little bit more positivity to the post – Tara, you’re super inspirational to so many women out there. I love reading about all the taboo subjects you write about and the opinions and views you put out there. Keep doing you, because you’re amazing girl x

    Damzel In This Dress

  5. December 1, 2015 / 1:53 pm

    I have to admit I’ve not heard of Shine Theory before but I am totally with it – I don’t get why we hate on each other when we are happy or doing something amazing. x

  6. Working Mum Blog
    December 1, 2015 / 1:59 pm

    The shine theory is new to me and I am pleased to have discovered it. I have had a few great female mentors to date that I admire and look up to. Thanks for sharing

  7. serenityyou
    December 1, 2015 / 2:09 pm

    it’s such a shame when women put each other down, we should be supporting each other. I always find if I surround myself with positive people, I myself then feel more positive

  8. Meg Siobhan
    December 1, 2015 / 3:19 pm

    Agree with this post SO much. In terms of my own confidence I know that’s something which will take time to be at a place I want, but it’s strange…I kind of did this Shine Theory without realising. I met up with a friend not too long ago who I admit, I put on a bit of a pedestal because of their job, but that night, I actually started to loosen up, be myself and it was so lovely and refreshing! Should definitely try to be ‘myself’ a little more.

    Great post, and love the message it’s putting across 🙂

  9. December 1, 2015 / 7:40 pm

    Great post. It is so inspiring. I can’t deal with negative people around me.

  10. Ali
    December 1, 2015 / 8:42 pm

    Brilliant post – I know what you mean where we are quite wary of confident women but you are right – we should be surrounding ourself with them and trying to be them!!

  11. December 1, 2015 / 7:44 pm

    This is a great post and it’s really true! I’ve heard of many people that are doing this and it’s not healthy at all.

  12. December 1, 2015 / 7:59 pm

    You are absolutely right , positivity spreads and making friends with someone who is positive and confident will definitely rub off.

  13. December 1, 2015 / 9:44 pm

    Good post. You can’t shine with negative people around you. But positivity and confidence can rub off a little.

  14. December 1, 2015 / 10:38 pm

    I love this! I have never been very confident and get easily intimidated by powerful woman. I am determined to no longer allow that to happen! Here’s to a new year and a new confident self!

  15. Fuss Free Helen
    December 1, 2015 / 10:50 pm

    I love this post, and am currently working on my Leonie Dawson shining life, and biz workbooks for 2016. So timely!

  16. December 2, 2015 / 1:29 am

    Never heard of Shine theory, but this sounds like a pretty sound idea. I am trying the same with positive people, and so far it seems to be working. x

  17. December 2, 2015 / 1:38 am

    LOVE this post, so inspirational and positive. You definitely can’t shine when you’re surrounded by negativity! xxx

  18. Copy Cat Chic
    December 2, 2015 / 3:54 am

    Definitely a good outlook. I completely agree. I never hang around super negative or competitive people. I have enough stress in my life without added stress from supposed friends 😉

  19. December 2, 2015 / 11:00 am

    I haven’t heard of this – but love it. I am going to share with my teen daughters who will appreciate it too. Thank you for sharing. Kaz x

  20. Jenni - Odd Socks and Lollipops
    December 2, 2015 / 2:30 pm

    I have never heard of shine theory before, but it makes perfect sense to me! It makes me so sad that there is much jealousy and anger at times.

  21. December 2, 2015 / 3:07 pm

    Ive never heard of the Shine Theory before and it does make so much sense x

  22. December 2, 2015 / 5:18 pm

    I agree we should not be jealous of other women’s success but instead celebrate what they have achieved despite the obstacles that they have faced. As women we are seen as the inferior sex by the government when in reality we are equals and should be seen as such. When I meet or hear about powerful women I smile because they have made a name for themselves and that is not by getting by on their gender.

  23. December 2, 2015 / 5:59 pm

    I have never heard that quote before. I love it! x

  24. December 2, 2015 / 8:52 pm

    more girls need to realise we’re in this together, we can empower ourselves and others at the same time x

  25. December 5, 2015 / 5:29 pm

    The hate is so real – I love being around positive happy people. We tend to rub off each other.
    You tend to receive evils from across the room at people annoyed that you’re actually having fun or enjoying yourself.
    Never mind c’est la vie maybe one day people will just embrace others and love.
    Great post
    Charlotte x

  26. Gustaf Ek
    December 8, 2015 / 6:43 pm

    I am a man and a Feminist since about 5 years ago. I’ve been working for over 25 years in many different branches, restaurants, products of stainless steel to be used under water on boats, oil production platforms and most of all manufacturing of refrigerators, ventilation systems and other stuff that are determining factors for hygienic handling of food. And all these years I’ve noticed the same thing over and over again: Women often accomplish more than men in shorter time. I’ve seen many women producing more than 20 refrigerators a day while most men produced 12 at the most. They understand and handle complicated things like electronics in refrigerators better than many men. Once I got stuck on a problem and no man was able to solve the problem. I was very ashamed to ask a younger girl for help, but I made up an excuse that I had been sick for a month and this system was new to me, I totally lied, she taught me about electronics, and she made me feel like a little boy asking Mama for help, I was so ashamed and felt my male ego was crushed, but I was able to hide my embarrassment.

    Of course there are many women who are incompetent also, but in these cases where women accomplished more than us men in shorter time, still they were shy, they didn’t dare raising their voices and demand a higher pay. If this younger girl would be paid fairly she would make 5 times more money than me, she would be supervisor over us men. Still these women are shy and keep a low profile. We men are the ones who should keep a low profile. This younger girl who outclassed me, didn’t she realize how much more competent than me and the other men she was? I KNOW she did! Because she looked after me now and then, made sure I did right, because she didn’t want to waste time fixing my mistakes. She should be in charge over me!

    Eventually we got a female engingeer as our local manager. I had read about Alice Hamilton and it was about this time I became a feminist. I had a secret conversation with this young girl and It was very hard for my male self esteem to confess in the beginning, but I told this young girl that she rightfully deserved a higher pay than me, we visited the local manager’s office together after work and told her that most women and especially this young girl simply made a better job than us men at this place, and they should rightfully get more paid more than us, and be in charge over us. This was a small sub division with 8 male workers and 4 female workers. I didn’t tell anyone about this conversation. The other 7 male workers would have lynched me, if they knew. Today she is organizer, my boss and supervisor over the sub division. The other 3 women are in responsible positions and earn more than us. And I think it’s fair.

    The ones who is the smartest should be in charge, regardless gender. But WHY can’t women plead their own cases…? Why are you so shy? I would NEVER confess that a woman could be superior to me 20 years ago. Men’s fear of strong smart women is very deep rooted, but I manage to break these barriers of mine. This could hardly be done on a big divisision, but our female bosses in this small sub divisision support us men and lift us up, instead of tearing us down like male bosses very often do to females. They don’t seem to seek for revenge on us men, for the patriarchy. If this image spread both men and women would benefit from it. This young girl earns much more than me… SO WHAT? She is better than me. I won’t die of confessing that! Girls: STOP being shy, STOP keeping a low profile. Demand your rights!

    Boys: STOP being so afraid of those women who can do better than you!

    • Catstello
      December 21, 2015 / 10:46 pm


  27. March 20, 2016 / 10:32 pm

    I LOVE this! Girl power and basically being a badass, fierce bitch (in the best way)!

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